And how the search for them is an illusion…
Today, in the 21st Century, we live in a time that previous generations could only dream about. We have all sorts of utilities and amenities at our fingertips: running water, electricity, internet etc. Yet, simultaneously there seems to be an epidemic of people looking for meaning, purpose and ultimately fulfilment.
In this article, I’d like to delve into some of these concepts and reframe these ideas for the benefit of the reader, so that we don’t get lost on the hamster wheel of looking for something that is ever eluding us.
When most people refer to the concepts of meaning, purpose and fulfilment, it’s as though they’re looking to describe something concrete, fixed, and immutable. However, I’d argue that it is our minds and, ultimately, egos which desire to latch onto something fixed and solid. It is my view, that in truth, there is nothing fixed, solid or immutable in nature. It’s true some things come pretty close and as humans we’re experts at creating solid, rigid structures that have integrity and stand the test of time.
The truth is, though, that one day they too will be gone. And I don’t believe our destiny is fixed, but our direction and path through life, like all things can be malleable and in certain ways still up to fate.
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” — Shakespeare
This is a subject I’ve spent a good deal of time thinking about and have looked at the argument from the angle of free will and determinism and ultimately there are elements of both at play and it is up to us as humans to find a path that suits us and that we can begin to mould into.
I believe the search for that ever eluding principle of purpose or meaning can be like searching for a mirage in the desert or going on a wild goose chase to have it ever evading us. In truth, I believe it is up to us to find meaning and purpose in what we’re doing at any given time and help our path guide us to a place where we’re at peace with ourselves.
Ultimately, I don’t think that peace comes from any particular path that we choose, although this is a nuanced subject. The peace is from coming to terms with and having a level of acceptance for the fact that we live in an uncertain world and your choice to follow any given path is as good as any other option that you could have chosen.
We suffer from the fear that the grass is greener on the other side, but as the saying goes the grass is greener where you water it, which implies that there’s some growth and nurturing which needs to take place in this dynamic before you will see the fruits of your labour. Although we know this, on some level it is easy to forget and we can get caught up in distractions from focusing on that growth and adding to the sense of purpose and accomplishment we feel from contributing to a worthy path. And what makes the path worthy is the fact that we’re willing to respect it and give ourselves to it in order to witness that growth and change.
The mistake we make, however, is feeling that we should feel this solid feeling of meaning and purpose everyday of our lives and if we don’t there’s something wrong. Again, it is my belief and experience that this is the mind and ego playing tricks with us again. We feel that this sense of fulfilment is like finding the holy grail or the cup that overflows and that we will forever be in that state of wellness and peace once we find that “thing” that gives us meaning.
Ultimately, though the search for the holy grail of fulfilment is a fallacy. We have to realise that it is ourselves that have the power to give meaning and validity to our experience or alternatively to invalidate our experience.
We are the masters of our psychology and our fate and the freedom to choose in life is ours to make. You can’t derive meaning and fulfilment from something outside of yourself ultimately. And this is why people searching for those qualities there will always be left disappointed and is why people start exhibiting addictive behaviours like drug, alcohol or sex abuse because they’re looking for something outside to fill something they feel is missing from within.
Realise, that the search for meaning and purpose as something outside of yourself which you can attain and then be ‘whole’, ‘complete’ or fill in the blank. Is an illusion and it’s a search for fool’s gold. It is frightening to take on the realisation that we live in a world which is uncertain and our experience of it is to a large part also up to us, this comes with the responsibility of realising that no-one is going to save us or dig us out of that hole, that we have to be our own agents of change and lead our own lives.
